Iboga
By Vanessa Kelly
Sometimes entheogenic experiences are so profound that they generate a desire to share the experience with others. In some cases, this could mean the literal sharing of a mescaline cacti, psilocybin-containing mushrooms, or another psychedelic plant that is important to them, but often consumers experience a powerful urge simply to communicate their experience to others.
Sharing information is core to meaning-making, and the mystical character of the psychedelic experience leaves a conflicting sense of both rich subjective data alongside a realisation of the inability of language to articulate the details. The ineffable character of the psychedelic experience lends a beautiful texture to stories seeking to describe the indescribable.
While EGA doesn’t have an experience reports vault like Erowid, we do understand the importance of expressing the meaning around experiences with entheogenic plants. So, when Vanessa Kelly wrote in asking to share her story of participation in a Bwiti Iboga ritual, her experiences took place in Gabon. It an interesting account and we thought we should share her experience with you;
All the cultural and ceremonial images used in the article are taken by Vanessa Kelly
After two years of letters, Moughenda, a tenth-generation Bwiti Shaman, finally called me. It’s funny now, when I hear Moughenda talk. He is wonderful to listen to, as he shares his “teachings” with us. He is an animated, natural public speaker. Only now, he has weaved me into his story, just as much as he has been woven into mine. He often uses me as an example when teaching his students. He talks about the “red flags” and how he tried to ignore me, but I wouldn’t go away.
When the airports opened post-COVID, I took the first available opportunity to travel to Gabon, to meet Moughenda and see if anything changed for me. Like a child, I was so excited, having never travelled before, let alone into the Gabonese Jungle, on my own. I was terrified. I would love to say it was a wonderful experience and make it somehow romantic. But I can’t.
Before I left, every single issue and trauma I had was brought to the surface. I have no doubt that had my visa not been approved and flights booked, I would not have made it through that last week. When I arrived the first night at the village, my nightmares were out of control. I told Moughenda he might need to find me a room by myself so I did not repeatedly wake my roommate. “Don’t worry about it,” he said. That night, we took Iboga for the first time.
The horn blew, and my roommate explained that meant the ceremony was about to begin. Most of the guests there were training. I was one of only two there for healing at that time. We were given special skirts to wear, called a “pang.” Chairs were spaced around a fire in a circle, and musicians played a variety of instruments enthusiastically. After half an hour or so of singing, Moughenda began to speak. “Bwiti... B-W-I-TI.” He spelled it out. Bwiti means, “The study of life. The art of knowing.” Moughenda proceeded to talk about “beliefs” and the difference in knowing. He explained that his culture is not interested in beliefs. They are interested in knowing, and that means everything in their way of life is confirmed by three people, with at least three, of the six senses, for it to be deemed real. For Bwiti, the third eye is called the first eye, and intuition is just as much a sense as sight. The difference is that your eyes can lie. Your intuition is honest. (Not to be confused with the mind.)
Moughenda talked about the history of their culture, the importance of the fire talk, the ceremony and tradition around the use of Iboga, the music, and their teachings. He said that Bwiti is not a religion or a cult and made a point of saying he is not a master or a guru and does not wish to be seen as one. He said that people can heal without Iboga, just by applying the teachings to their lives. He explained to us how to work with the medicine - what to do and what not to do. Then he dosed us.
He talked for another hour, explaining that you need to leave at least an hour between doses for Westerners because they have an extremely low tolerance. The tolerance can change each time, and you have to watch each person carefully to see how they react to it. Generally, one (about 2g) or two teaspoons are more than enough for us, whereas, his people could take ten or more teaspoons and still be quite fine.
I found it interesting to learn about this culture in such detail. It is so ancient, and you can feel that history, sitting there, on the very plot of land Moughenda was born on, and where he took over from his grandfather before him. Lucca, Moughenda’s grandson, at three, sits at his side, late at night, doing everything expected of the adult N'ganga, the Bwiti spiritual leaders.
I did not fully understand at that point how powerful the tools and teachings would become with the medicine in my system. Moughenda explained that iboga is not about the visions, as many believe. There is certainly a visionary component, but not necessarily every time. Visions vary in clarity and understanding of them; sometimes, there are none. Iboga is extremely intuitive. It works in a process. First, it will detox you. Mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. This stage tends to be fundamentally vision-free. Then it will work its way through your body and heal you physically. Then, it will heal your soul. The magic happens the following day. The Bwiti called it processing day. Sometimes Moughenda called it “what the hell did I just do to myself day.” But the first Iboga experiences were always the hardest.
Moughenda talked about the spirits of Iboga being twins. One male and one female. It is the only Bwiti plant with spirit twins. He said that as the Leader of the Bwiti in his Village, he is their healer and chief, among many other things. He holds knowledge of around 4500 jungle plant medicines, all of which have been passed down through the generations, and all of which, Iboga told them, which plant to use and how to prepare it, to treat any ailment. They treat everything from malaria to infertility, cold and flu to disability with their plants, and I must say, in my time in the village, I have seen things I have never before believed possible.
Moughenda said healing is just a matter of making the decision. “Who is ready?” he said. “Me. Me,” I said excitedly. “No. You are not ready yet.” Ouch! I realize now, with the level of problems I had, Moughenda had put me on what he calls the “long haul” healing program. He did not care if I went to sleep or was not “loaded up” with medicine. It still works, even when I’m asleep, even if I am just in the same room as medicine without consuming it, and it was not going to do me any favours to put me or my body into shock or take any risk with me entering what he calls, “the fear zone.”
I’ve had calls from people who have experienced this when being treated by untrained providers, and it doesn’t sound nice. It can do a lot of damage and leave a person worse off. Moughenda has his supply of remedies for everything from Nausea to overdose, right within arm’s reach, so he is ready to deal with any situation, should it arise. He is incredibly experienced with caring for people under the influence of Iboga. Interestingly enough, Moughenda says he rarely needs to intervene. Dosage and the exclusion of people physically or psychologically from consuming Iboga is crucial.
I did not really have any expectations, but the Iboga experience was quite different from anything I had imagined. It was gentle and beautiful. The information Moughenda had given was essential to the experience. I understand now that the mind becomes malleable and open to suggestion while under the influence of Iboga, that experiences and information can be imprinted on the mind very easily. Clearly, there was responsibility involved in making sure a person in the Iboga state was in the appropriate set and setting, and Moghenda created a safe space for me.
The aftermath, on the day after the ceremony, was anything but pleasant. We had an Iboga ceremony every third day for six weeks, and I was microdosing on the days in between. With the Iboga in my system, all my false beliefs were brought to the surface for annihilation. I saw my life unfold in a very different way than how I had always seen it. A way that forced me to see my mistakes, my failures, my traumas and address every single issue. The lies I told myself. The people I needed to forgive, the role I played in my own misery, and how to take responsibility for my actions.
The process was painful and really hard work. A lot came up that I did not want to look at. There was no avoiding it, though. The medicine was in control, and I saw what I needed to. I found it overwhelming, to say the least, but the ongoing support from Moughenda and his community was essential.
I found I was still getting “Aha” moments for months afterward. When I returned, my life changed in so many ways; it’s impossible to list them all. My relationships improved dramatically, and my chronic pain evaporated. Without medication, my blood sugar and cholesterol improved dramatically. Even now, I feel an ongoing sense of joy and gratitude that I have never experienced before.
Vanessa Kelly
